Why are you single? Top 10 reasons

 I originally wrote this article almost 7 years ago. Looking back I realize that my delivery and tone was not what it should be. I genuinely want my work to be helpful to people, and that approach I had taken was the wrong way to do it. So I have decided to now make some adjustments and make some improvements. The message will essentially be the same, but it’s not what you say, but how you say it. You may still read things you don’t like, or that you disagree with. However it will be spoken in a way to genuinely help you take note of things you may be overlooking.

So, I recently had the opportunity to read a blog that listed 12 reasons good men are single. No disrespect to the author, but I was extremely disappointed after reading it. “Why?” you ask, because out of the twelve things listed only one had anything to do with the men themselves. I’m not a fan of putting so much blame on women or outside factors for your inability to find a mate. Don’t get me wrong, there are many ways that women contribute to the problem you may be facing.  However, I believe in a higher level of personal accountability. Because this way you have the power to make the necessary changes to create better results. So with that said, here are my Top 12 Reasons A “Good Man” Is Single that you may be overlooking:

1. You’re Too Passive

Yeah you have a good job, yeah you’re a good-looking guy, and yeah you open doors and all that sweet stuff. That’s great, and I applaud you for all those things. However, at the end of the day, no woman wants a man she considers “too soft”. You have to learn how to balance cherishing your woman as well as putting her in check when she disrespects you or is in the wrong. If not, you will continue to struggle to find a great woman, or will meet women who just want to take advantage of you.

2. You Lack Ambition

Some men seem to think that because they are the good guys, this means that mediocrity in other aspects of their lives should be accepted. Don’t get me wrong, some women do have ridiculous (at least in my eyes) expectations, but some of you “good men” don’t expect enough out of yourselves. A lack of ambition can be very unattractive, and a huge complaint that women have. It can definitely stunt the potential of a relationship or even destroy a current one. Show the drive to do better and be better in life, and you will quickly attract more women.

3. You’re Easily Intimidated

Just because she has a lot going on for herself and portrays the “independent woman syndrome” (I will save the elaboration for another post) does not mean you need to feel insecure and start trying to prove yourself in ways that end up coming off as lame and annoying. A lot of “good men” feel challenged by a woman who can do for herself and they back away at any sight of assertiveness on her end. Rather than shut down, address any concern you have with this and express yourself in a calm and confident manner. By asserting yourself, she may bring her walls down and allow for a smooth progression. If not, then she just may not be the one for you.

4. You Lack Confidence

This goes with #3. A lot of guys that are “good men” do not have the confidence it takes to attract and keep a woman. Women love confidence, and if you don’t have it then understand that you are shooting yourself in the foot. Go deeper within yourself and indentify what holds back your confidence. Improve on those weaknesses and find ways to maximize your strengths. Also understand that being confident isn’t about getting any woman, but more so about not being afraid or bothered when you can’t get a certain woman. Because no matter who you are, or how awesome you are, everyone isn’t going to like you. Which is fine, because you won’t like everyone either. Just no longer let fear/lack of confidence be what holds you back.

5. You Haven’t Developed A Good Personality

Your good job can buy you a lot of things, but it can’t buy you a good relationship. Good looks will bring you some women who can tolerate you, but you won’t be able to keep her if you have not developed skills like: good conversation, making her laugh, knowing how to have fun, and (not that I’m promoting this but…) good sex. Being a nice guy, having a good job, etc  can only take you so far. Become more well rounded and you will become more desirable. This can help you in business and with women. A great personality is something to strive for.

6. You’re Not Naturally Attractive

I am not trying to be mean, I promise, but let’s be honest. A lot of men who may consider themselves “good guys” aren’t always the best looking. That may sound bad, but the good news is there is hope. There are plenty of ways to make yourself a much more attractive person. Conquering the other 5 things on this list can go a long way. Also do a good job a grooming yourself, getting in shape, and find a style that works well with you. Throw in some good cologne (smelling good can really help). Women are turned on by many non-physical attributes as well, so take advantage of what you can control and you will no longer have to deal with this issue.

These are my first 6 reasons, in no particular order of importance. Not every “good guy” has all these issues, but typically one of these things may be present. Don’t be so quick to blame women for your singlehood if you have not properly addressed the things that you can control first. For those that don’t fall under any of these reasons, I will cover their potential issues in my following 6 reasons (it used to be a separate article but I have now added it below). So let’s continue…

7. You’re Too Focused On Other Things

The reality is that you may be at a point in your life where women and relationships just aren’t a priority. Which is perfectly fine. I honestly believe it is good to have some time where you take those things off the table and focus more on your development and growth. However, don’t lose sight of the very likely scenario where you will get back to or reach a point where those things become important again. Don’t wait to create a life balance that allows you to reach your goals, and create an amazing relationship with a special woman.

8. You’re Not Financially Secure

Despite what kind of financial status others may think you have, you may not always be as financially set as you would like to be. This can create a conflicting desire for a relationship, because a man who genuinely loves his woman wants to be able to provide for her. That honestly in commendable, but know that you don’t need to be “rich” to be open to a relationship. A women who is genuinely into you isn’t looking for you to shower her with gifts. However, she will still want you to be able to take care of the essentials and maybe a little more. So don’t let your financial status stress you out or block you from embracing an amazing woman. Be open and honest about where you stand and keep your eyes open.

9. Your Intimacy Needs Improvement

Being a good man who can love and respect a woman is a great thing. Unfortunately in most cases, it isn’t enough to create and sustain a loving and healthy relationship. A big piece to that puzzle is the ability to satisfy a woman not just sexually, but with your overall intimacy. Kissing, touching, quality time, and sex is very important to nurturing a bond with your partner. There is a lot all men can learn, but those who ignore that will always pay a price and see a lack of success with women. Now some women actually allow themselves to deal with this lack because he is a “good man”. However even if you get her initially, you won’t be able to keep her desire and willingness to please you at a high level without it. Intimacy can be a huge factor in “good men” being single, and not to mention “bad men” having women they don’t deserve.

10. You Have Been Hurt & Haven’t Healed

As many women as there are that carry around emotional baggage from their past, there are many men who do the same. You may be having a hard time getting out of your own way because of the hurt and resentment you have held on to. This creates a huge struggle to conquer your fear of being vulnerable, and giving a woman your heart. You may simply not trust women or you don’t trust love. So you find/create reasons to be single, but the truth is you need to heal from what you experienced. You are only making things worse for yourself in many ways by not addressing your issues which may stem from childhood or romantic relationships. Do yourself a huge favor and embrace the process of healing. Not for the sake of not being single, but for the purpose of being able to live at your true potential.